This narwhal is all that stands between us and penguin world domination!

The narwhal is an arctic-dwelling whale, who, thanks to his long, pointy tusk, has been nicknamed “the Unicorn of the Sea.” Our Avenging Narwhal is made of hard vinyl and comes with a detachable tusk to impale a devious penguin (included).

Here is the complete story of why this narwhal seeks revenge:

The Avenging Narwhal, with his whale body and unicorn horn, has long struggled with his looks. In school, he was constantly teased by a clique of adorable penguins. He was ostracized for years, but he never stood up for himself. Then, during study hall, he intercepted a note intended for a penguin. At that moment, the Avenging Narwhal’s life changed forever: he had uncovered the penguin conspiracy to take over the world. For decades, penguins have employed a propaganda campaign of nature documentaries and animated films. The people of earth became enamored with their clumsy gait; their monogamy; their flightlessness; their darling survival mechanism of huddling their blubber-covered bodies together for warmth. While we were hypnotized by penguin preciousness, we failed to see the reality—that each penguin was a megalomaniacal genius intent on full control of humans.

The Avenging Narwhal has since made it his duty to crush the penguins’ evil plot by piercing them in their cute bellies with his magical tusk, thereby reducing the number of waddling, formalwear-clad threats to humanity. So, while your friends and neighbors talk about how cute penguins are and how they look like they’re wearing tiny tuxedos, you’ll know that the true friend of the world is the homely, but heroic, Avenging Narwhal, who has devoted his life to ending the penguin scourge.


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